Note: Before reading the following arguments, please understand that they are not what I believe. On Wednesdays, I deliberately argue for wrong ideas, challenging my listeners to call and defend the obvious right answer, which is usually far harder than one would expect. This is a summary of what Wacky Andrew will be arguing, not a representation of what real Andrew believes.~The Bible and the Bible alone is God’s infallible Word, and every single Word is inspired by Him. ~Therefore if you knowingly change any of them, it loses it’s very nature and authority.
~Sola Scriptura, not Mostly Scriptura plus some modernization.
~If we’re allowed to “update” the parables, what is to stop us from “updating” anything or, indeed, everything else in the Bible to suit our current sensibilities?
~When someone has permission to retell these stories, they might easily take it as liberty to retell any of the Bible’s stories.
~Is the Bible itself not written well enough to work for all people? Are the Scriptures inadequate for the modern reader?
~Ask yourself why God didn’t explain them more or offer more details?
~Also ask yourself why God seemed to think that these examples might just prove to be eternal enough to withstand the vagaries of cultural drift.
~Modern retellings always change things. If they only change purely superficial things, then there’s no particular advantage to the modernization. And any change to the substantial portion is bound to change the meaning, opening up new ones, closing off old ones, and having a different impact on the audience than the original would have had.
~You may have missed the meaning in the original in your reformulation.
~Doctrinal bias can easily creep in as a parable is retold in modern terms.
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