Wacky Wednesday--Why Would I Want Salvation?

Note: Before reading the following arguments, please understand that they are not what I believe. On Wednesdays, I deliberately argue for wrong ideas, challenging my listeners to call and defend the obvious right answer, which is usually far harder than one would expect. This is a summary of what Wacky Andrew will be arguing, not a representation of what real Andrew believes.

--Explain to me why I would want it?

--Everything I understand and like about my life is stuff you say won’t be true in heaven.

--There’s not going to be any controversy in heaven, right? But I like controversy.

--There’s not going to be any problems in heaven, right? But I like solving problems.

--We won’t have sex in heaven? And why in the world would I look forward to that?

--Can I play X-box in heaven? Golf? Will I still shank shots? Will it bother me? The whole fun is that it bothers me.

--Why would I want to sit around singing boring songs all day long?

--An hour of church is already too long, and you’re telling me I should be eager to experience church for eternity?

--Will Christians be there? That alone is reason enough to not go.
--Salvation would require me to obey this tyrant of a God you say is really good but who punishes decent people with hell forever? Really?
--So, this egomaniacal tyrant of a God wants me to sit around worshipping Him for all of eternity singing one word over and over, “Holy, Holy, Holy,” and you think that sounds like an appealing thing?
--Your Bible says I should hate my parents, my wife, and everything in my life if I’m going to be a disciple of Jesus. Does that sound like a good trade?
--Your Bible says I should rather cut my eye out and my arm off rather than miss heaven. Well, you’ll pardon me for thinking that doesn’t make a lot of sense to me.
--Christians don’t really seem all that happy, and they’re supposed to be the ones showing me what heaven will be like?
--I understand that hell sounds like a pretty bad thing, but most of the portraits of heaven don’t sound much better, to be honest with you.
--To get to heaven, I need to take up a cross and deny myself? Ooooh. So much fun.